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Interview with Deborah Sundhal | Female Ejaculation Teacher & Expert w/ 22 Years of Experience

We had a lovely time interviewing one of the most-quoted experts on female ejaculation for our Real Sexy “Ask the Expert” series. Deborah Sundhal’s 22 years of experience shone through as she eloquently answered our questions, and her warm tone and heart were present throughout.

Here’s the interview:

Blake: For a woman, if it’s her first time with her partner, what is a good way for her to ask if she wants to ejaculate with him/her?

Deborah: If the first time she’s with her partner and she feels like she might ejaculate with him because obviously, she’s so excited and feels so great; that’s the time that it usually just flows out of her body. And whether they’re aware of that or not, it’s instinctually there. So, the best thing to do is to just talk about female ejaculation before you even begin to get sexual.

Blake: What if her partner is grossed out by the idea of female ejaculation?

Deborah: Get another partner!

Blake: (laughs) Okay. Say, they have been together for a while, have a mortgage, and it’s not that easy to get another partner. Is there anything you recommend that she do?

Deborah: Number one, he needs to know that it’s not urine. And number two, he needs to know – as does she – that it comes from the female prostate, because prostatic fluid is what female ejaculation is. And all women have one, as do all men – a prostate that is. So, after that, he may benefit by watching my video for couples or reading my book [Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot].

Blake: Is this a problem that you have to deal with a lot? Men being opposed to the idea, or maybe even turned off by the idea of a woman ejaculating?

Deborah: No, men are dying for the experience in general. Many women have had that experience once in their life, and they’re usually seeking it again. Sometimes, for decades. So they’re very excited to have this happen to them. I would say, men are more on the other end of the spectrum. Sometimes, they apply too much pressure to their partners to ejaculate. That will shut down female ejaculation; women need to have it flow out because they are happy, secure, and excited with their partner. So, there’s very, very few men who don’t like it.

Blake: Great! And for women who want to learn how to ejaculate themselves first, before they do it with their partner, what do you recommend they do?

Deborah: If they have never ejaculated before and they want to begin to learn, the first thing to do is to read about it, and my book is the bible on that. It will tell you everything you want to know about female ejaculation as well as how to do it, step by step. And so, I’m all for women getting some information instead of just forging forward. That’s what sex education is about. We think sex is simple, but it’s actually quite sophisticated and complicated if you want it to be.

Blake: Do you recommend women use toys if they want to make themselves ejaculate, or just their fingers?

Deborah: If a woman is wanting to learn how to ejaculate, there are two ways you can go about that. If you’ve never had this G-spot, physical sensation of what does the G-spot feel like, then toys with the really hard lip… and I don’t mean the curve – the pokers – I mean, one with the really hard lip… If you insert that into the vagina, it pops up. This hard lip kind of pops up behind the tail of the G-spot, the back end of the G-spot. And I talk about this head, body, and tail in my book so that women can really get more articulate about this organ that they call the G-spot… so it’s not a spot, it’s an organ. But the area that’s most sensitive to most women who are first learning to awaken those sensations of the G-spot is the tail end, and the best way to feel that feeling is to get a toy with the thick lip and insert it into the vagina and then pull firmly forward nice and slow, and you’ll feel that feeling. It is astonishing!

Pearl: What is the second way that women can learn? The first way is the toy. Is the second way with the fingers or something else?

Deborah: The second way is to again approach ejaculating firstly through awakening the sensations of the G-spot. Like I said, they’re numbed out. And so, you’re basically getting to know this organ, and you do that with your finger with some quiet time, uninterrupted for about a hour. Breathe and relax, no stimulation. Just first of all, to see the G-spot in your vagina. You can actually see it. And then, locate it with your fingers to get to it and explore it, millimeter by millimeter. The head which surrounds the urethra opening, the body and its ridges which is just inside the opening of the vagina. Then, as you slip your finger along the body of the G-spot, your finger will naturally crawl behind the tail – and to explore that, and to really, really, really get acquainted with this organ that they said does not exist.

So you see, my approach is not kind of a wam-bam thing, it’s really slow and meditative and really getting to know this organ.

Blake: Is the most common reason why women don’t want to ejaculate, the fear that they’re actually going to pee?

Deborah: Well, let me ask your partner there: Pearl?

Pearl: Yeah! It does feel like the pressure, by touching the G-spot, you’re actually pushing a little bit on the urethral tract, and so you do feel a little bit of sensation in that area like you’re going to pee.

Deborah: Women clamp down on the urge to ejaculate because it feels like the urge to pee. And as we know, the last thing that any woman in the world wants to do is pee when she’s making love. So you can believe that most women for their sexual life have clamped down when they’re making love, instinctually, not even knowing about it.

We are building mass of amounts of fluid here and where is it going?

So, letting go is women’s biggest obstacle. And that’s why it can take a woman a year of working at it to finally let go and to really gush forth.

Pearl: With all the media hype around Kegel exercises and your pelvic floor muscle, do you think that’s actually hurt the practice of female ejaculation?

Deborah: It’s a really excellent question. I can’t answer that, but I do know as far as female ejaculation goes, that 30% of men and women have chronic pelvic muscle tension. So what we’re learning with that is if you do Kegel’s, it’s not good for chronic tension because when muscles are tensed chronically, that means they cannot relax. You can do yoga and breathe all day long; you’re not gonna relax that muscle. It must be manually pushed upon by a professional, say a physical therapist who studies muscles as a profession. They know trigger points on these muscles, and they just push on it, and it helps it to relax so you can cure it really quickly, but you have to know what you’re doing. And that where a therapist comes in. So doing Kegel’s in that situation is not a good idea at all. Places like the clinic and so forth have said to stop doing that. So I’ve stopped, I’ve stopped teaching about Kegel’s because many women do have weak pelvic muscles or tensed pelvic muscles, and that can prevent women from ejaculating.

Pearl: Who’s able to do the sort of physical therapy you talk about?

Deborah: Physical therapists are trained in the muscles of the body. Unfortunately, the pelvic muscles are usually left out of their training. Even masseuses, they don’t exactly know the pelvic muscles. If you can imagine anything remotely connected with sexuality, it’s still not studied in the society. So the first thing you do is go to a physical therapist who has taken it upon herself or himself to work in this area with the pelvic floor. These are people doing Feldenkrais or Alexander Technique, these people have studied the posture of the muscles and bones, I mean, that’s what those two modalities are about. The fourth is people who are sexological body workers. And the sexological body workers, especially the ones trained outside of the USA have had more classes with the anatomy muscles of the body. And so, they too know a lot about the pelvic floor muscles.

But this is a field that is going to blossom. I think that [the pelvic floor muscle] is the most important thing about sexuality in this decade. We don’t have the tension because of the Kegel’s, we have tension because this is the floor of the muscles — a ball of muscles that hold up every organ in our torso. And as we know, if we hold any kind of emotional trauma or misuse, abuse, it affects the muscles of the body at large. This is well-known in body work. And so, what do you think is happening with our pelvic floor muscles when we live in a body-phobic and sex-phobic culture? You better believe that those muscles can be a twisted mess.

Blake: Let’s talk about your workshops. Can you describe your workshops that you’re touring the world with, and what they’re all about?

Deborah: They are mostly for women, either they’re one day or weekend, and this is where women get the opportunity to be in a group of women that is supportive and going through the same thing she is: trying to figure out where this G-spot is, what it feels like, what’s the story behind it is and how to get it working again. In other words, flowing like a fountain. It’s sort of informative because you get to hear the stories of others and nothing can compare to that really, sharing an experience that’s actually kind of profound. So, that’s what those workshops are about and I take them through the steps that I have in a book about how to approach the G-spot and how to awaken its sensitivity with your own fingers.

Deborah: Through that process, many women will ejaculate on day 3, which is always exciting. But this isn’t about a show, this is about women in a kind of a psychological process – really, kind of a physical, sexual process – that they’re learning new things about their body – erotic body – and how to make it work.

Blake: Is this for women only? Or can couples attend also?

Deborah: I do couple’s workshops. Once a year in the United States.

Blake: Who do you recommend attend your workshops?

Deborah: Most women who’ve read my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, and want to learn more about it or perhaps have an obstacle… or they’re just excited and they just want to have an instructor to help them along with this process that they’re on. You get a lot of that as we all know; books are good, but nothing works like going to a class. That’s mostly the women who attend. Women who want to learn more about their bodies.

Blake: And for those who can’t make it to the workshop, you offer online workshops as well, right?

Deborah: Yes, which is the same type of workshop as the weekend workshop, just a session divided up into 5 consecutive weeks. What’s great about online is: number 1, if you are just painfully shy or you can’t travel across the country, online is great for that. And the benefit to online above anything else is you have one whole week to integrate a bit of information instead of a weekend immersion. And I find that the bond between women and the group grows deeper and their process actually gets a little deeper because they just have more time to integrate and to work on everything.

Blake: How can someone find your workshops, and sign up for them?

Deborah: My workshops, you can sign up for and find out more information on my website which is

Blake: Thanks for taking the time to do this interview with us, Deborah!

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